I've joined an online group to go through the book "How to Have a H.E.A.R.T For Your Kids' by Rachael Carman. You can click on the banner above to take you to the blog that is hosting this. You can join at anytime..
This week's goal was to read through Chapter 3, and journal about what you gleaned from the text. This week's topic is A: Accept Your Children.
Some things I gleaned in the text this week are as follows.
The author says 'Consider the proliferation of daycare centers in our neighborhoods. The message is clear: By and large, as a society, we value our careers and our stuff more than our kids. Relationships are relegated to weeknights and weekends. The lion's share of our time is devoted to our true priorities, our true treasures-jobs, homes, cars, clothes, PCs, iPhones. Stuff.'
Wow! In our culture this is the truth. It's so sad to see this all around. I never wanted to put my children in daycares. I know that they're times when you need daycares. I did when my daughter was little because I was a single mom. But we now are using it so we can pursue bigger and better things and at the expense of our children's lives and future. Everywhere we turn you see people on their cell phones, driving expensive cars and needing to make money. My husband and I live on one income, we are not rich, and we are not poor, and we live within our means. That means if we don't have the money to get something, we don't get it.
Another quote that stood out to me was 'My mom had accepted me as a child, strong will and all. She did not try and change who I was. Instead she set out to properly direct this part of my design to be used for God's glory.'
I can't relate with this quote from my childhood but this is what I want to give to my kids. Acceptance of who they are without trying to mold and change them into something I want them to be. Something they are not. I know over the years, especially when they aren't following the rules it's hard to not try to change their behaviors. I really need to work on praying over what God's desire is for my children. The way they act now may be for God's purpose. Of course, this doesn't mean I am not supposed to discipline them. God tells us to train them in the way they should go. The way GOD wants them to go and not me. That's what I need to focus on.
She goes on talking about 'Wired for His Use'- God's use! She states there are two kinds of children. The microwave and the crockpot. 'Microwave kids are in constant motion and easily distracted. They are able to do many things but lack consistent focus. When they do focus, it's a red hot laser focus, which can inflict harm if misdirected yet can produce wondrous results if handled carefully by a trained professional.'
'Like a Timex watch that 'takes a licking and keeps on ticking,' crock pot kids sometimes need to be told to go outside and take a break. Otherwise, they will keep their noses to the grindstone and work all day and all night, rarely coming up for air.'
I have to understand what kind of child I have. I feel like I am trying to flip them and have them act the opposite of what they were designed by God to do. I love what she says here 'They were created to bring glory to God. Instead of resisting their bents-their original wiring-I needed to honor the way God had wired them.'
As we learn the purpose for our children's lives through God we need to teach them who they are in Christ. Help them identify what God has called them to do. Preparing them to glorify God.
I love how she speaks on timing. How our children were sent at the right time, even in the right birth order. All for God's glory and planning. It's important to keep sharing with them how important and perfect it is for them to be born when they did. Instead of telling them they are the baby or making a point to say you are the oldest, mention to them that where they are is just right. She says 'It is not your job to tear down your children. You are to build them up.' That's exactly what I want to do for them.
'We must seek God first when it comes to molding our children, or we will make the mistake of molding them into our image instead of His.'
I really am working on this. I need to pray daily so I can have his guidance on where my children should go. I notice the behavior my children are acting out may be because of me.
She points out on page 109 'Is the character flaw you see in your child an imitation of our own sinfulness? Is it a simple case of 'monkey see, monkey do?'
Ouch.. that hurts, because a lot of times it's true. The things I see my children doing that need discipline or correction is because they watched me do it. So not only do I need to train my children in the way that God wants them to go, but I also need to train myself in the way God wants me to go.
We also need to accept our children for who God wants them to be but that doesn't mean permissiveness. She says in her book that it doesn't mean that they can get whatever they want and then take a hands off approach to training them. She says that 'acceptance means seeking His will and purpose for each child He places in your care.' They are gifts and blessings from God.
This was a great chapter to read. I sometimes forget that I need to accept my children in some of the things they do because it was in God's plan for them. It also woke me up to realize that some of my children's behavior may be caused by them watching and mimmicking me. So not only am I training my children but I am training myself to be a better wife, mother and follower of Christ..